Over the past… many years, especially the recent, I’ve found myself thinking of just one thing. Love. I’ve made greater efforts towards meeting up with people, who I hope are decent – I say people, most of them are boys… well,all of them – in order to find a companion. Much to my parents and family’s dislike, I’m actually seeking a boyfriend. I want to try that side of the light; I’ve already had one girlfriend (and she was lovely at the time) but I’d still like to complete myself by exploring the actual nature of my bisexuality. Are boyfriends better than girlfriends? Can I connect with them more? Or will they be less loyal and more lusting? More bitchy?
The only thought that I dream of is to have someone of my own, male or female. Someone I can bond with and hold and love, and who actually loves me back. I’ve had a few one night stands in the past two years, all of them with guys (I could never do that with a woman – for some reason, if I’m with a woman it has to be in a relationship) and all of them protected, so don’t go panicking and screaming to me about not being safe.
My family take a great disliking to my bisexuality. To them its a sin and evil. My mother even said I should be ‘exorcised’, as if I’m possessed by some terrible demon…
I just wish they could understand. And with my brother Chris crashing on my sofa in my Cardiff flat, it’s also made things more difficult for me in my own place, because I now have to be cautious about making him freak out if I bring a guy back. He’s homophobic and brainwashed by the same cult as my family, so it’s gonna take a long time for him to accept that other people are different. Only my youngest brother Benjamin is open minded about people; he’s experienced the true love of friendship – mostly from my own group of youtube friends. Chris has never had that. I pity him.
But life at the moment is lonely, and I want someone to love me. Anything else, even my acting career, has been on hold. I need ‘love’ to go onwards in this life. Someone who won’t cheat – like my ex. Someone who will be there for me just I am there for them.