This last week has been a bit up and down, but by no means dull.

I worked for the first part, doing my usual work routine, but I noticed that I’ve been getting extremely exhausted of late. The week before, I very nearly burned myself out. Too many late nights and not enough rest, and on top of that I caught the mother of all cold/flu viruses off one of my management team. Usually I can handle colds and the like, but this one hit me like a brick and lingered for quite some time. 

Ever since I had Glandular Fever last year, I have always kept a stocked up medical box in my rucksack. Not your regular assortment of bandages and plasters or burn cream, but more like a tablet box packed with Lemsip, paracetamol, neurophen, and a couple of other niceties in the mix. I keep it in my rucksack all the time. Not just for myself – usually I get the odd headache or cold now and then – but also for my work mates. I seem to be the local ‘drug lord’ or chemist that my workmates turn to if they need something.

I say “turn to”; now and then I have to ask them if they DO want something because they sometimes suffer in silence – and there’s nothing quite as disheartening as watching your workmates zombie around with a heavy cold, bunged up expression, aching all over. For starters, I hate to see people suffer, and secondly, the sooner they hit the cold or headache ‘on the head’ the less chance it’ll linger or pass over to someone else. …I’m getting away with myself here. Back to the main plot!

So I’d noticed I’d been getting really exhausted and run down a lot. Quite literally, just by going through my usual morning routine of “getting up, showered, dressed, bag packed, breakfast” would drain me so much that I’d actually need a quick power nap. It’s not physical exertion as much as mental exertion. I’d always look so tired and out of colour. Worrying?

I finished my shift on Tuesday and decided to catch the next train back to Abertillery; partly to go see my family as I missed them, but also so I could book an appointment with the doctors to get myself checked out. Course, my mum was terribly ill too and she managed to pass her sickness onto me. Sigh. The doctor didn’t have much to say either. “Come back in two weeks and see if anything’s changed from then”. Never mind the fact that I’ve been exhausted then. Gotta love these new doctors. Makes me think I wish Joshie were here. I do miss him.

With the sickness I’d caught off mum, I couldn’t go into work for two days, and seeing as I wasn’t in till Sunday that gave me a few more days to actually chill and relax. What did I do with my time?

I watched the entirety of DOWNTON ABBEY: Series One on Blu-Ray, and the first three episodes of series 2. Love that series 😀

I also completed reading the first book of GAME OF THONES!!! It’s taken me a good few months on and off, but I finally got there. I’m taking a break from that series to read other novels. I’ve already seen series 3 of the TV series anyway.

During my time off, I managed to read the “Quick Read” book of YOUNG SHERLOCK HOLMES: BEDLAM by Andrew Lane. It was only 16 pages, but I still felt satisfying to finish even a short book lol.

I’m currently reading through THE BOOK THIEF by Markus Zusak – a fantastic novel narrated by Death and set in World War 2 Germany. It was recommended to me by Mum, and I figured it might make good character research for Grim: A Tale of Death – the web series which you can see a test clip of in the previous post. I’m actually amazed at the speed with which I’m going through this book. I’m trying to get through a hundred pages a day. If I can manage that, I’ll be through my pile of unread books in no time 😀


In other news:

I’ve been helping out a good friend of mine – James Koash, a fellow Abertillery boy. He’s had a run of bad luck recently and I felt it was my duty to help him. So he’s now crashing at my place on occasion. He’s such a lovely, charismatic character and very humble and kind. He works very hard too – trying to set up his own marketing business company, and I’ll definitely give him all the help I can. Check out his website here if you like 🙂

We’ve been on a couple of nights out throughout the week and made some new friends and contacts from the student freshers. It’s always good to meet new people – especially if they’re film makers and actors alike 😉

If anything, I’m glad of the company. James gets me out of the house now and then to join parties, and I give him a place to rest, recover and rebuild himself. If ever I had a house of my own, a big house, I’d use it to help the people I love to get back on their feet.

I like to help people, when I can.


Romance of the Sick at Heart

I’ve not made a blog for quite some time – mostly due to distraction and general lack of interest. But now that I’m sat down and able to think, I guess I could depart some of the events that have recently gone by.

To start, I’ve sort of found someone to love, at last, and this time I didn’t go looking for it; they found me. He messaged me on a gay chat site that I hardly use – you never expect decent people to hang around these things, but I somehow held out a hope. His name is Josh. He’s younger than me, but his intelligence burns far brighter. He’s studying to become a doctor. How unsurprising; I think most gay people I’ve met are doing something in the field of science, chemistry or nursing. The difference – unlike the other feckless lot, he was actually interested in me. Everyone else in the gay community (apart from a few good friends) tend to walk all over you and look out for ‘number one’ only. Josh, he actually showed a caring interest for me.

So we got chatting on Skype. Found out we have so much in common, even though we have obvious differences here and there. Eventually, we ended up spending days just chatting on Skype – seeing as the distance between us was rather large. London to Cardiff is quite the walking distance, and not exactly cheap on the train these days, even when booking in advance. We grew very fond of each other, so much so that (after burning out his parents monthly internet time) he came to visit me in Cardiff via the London Megabus. He’s been twice now. He’s even met my friends. They love him to bits. I love him to bits. It’s just a shame we can’t see each other more often. The long periods without each other are sometimes painful, but then we cherish the time we have together.

If anything, having Josh as my “companion” has made me stronger as a person inside. People have noticed how happy I’ve been of late, like a great hole has been filled in or a light’s been turned on. It’s still a strange feeling for me though, as for most of my life I wandered on my own, solving other people’s problems and being there for people when I can be. Having someone like Josh by my side… someone who actually cuddles and wishes and feels with me… it’s like getting something you’ve always wanted but still wondering when it’ll turn out to be a cruel illusion. But, this time, it’s no mirage. This time it’s real. And that makes me the happiest person in the world 🙂

In other news, aside from being happy, I’ve also been ill quite a lot. Regularly run down, and experiencing the odd pain here and there. I had to take time off work after collapsing in the bathroom one morning in my Cardiff flat. It was a proper “shit, am I gonna die here” moment when I thought I was going to black out on the bathroom floor; reaching out to grab either the sink or the toilet seat and drag myself towards it. Sweaty fever, dehydration, faintness, I’d never been as bad as this before.

So I ended up being off work for a few days. Then, after a week of being back, I had pains in my stomach and side cramps that prevented me from even walking properly without flinching. So I had another week off work, and a doctor’s note to cover it – some stomach virus or something. Just as I was recovering from that load of turmoil, I suddenly developed terrible night sweats, feverish shivers and a throat infection that topped the rest of it all together. The back of my mouth was so ulcerated it killed just to speak. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t drink. I couldn’t speak for quite a few days, and I lost a lot of colour too. “Throat infection”, the doctor said. No shit, Sherlock! So he gave me another week’s worth of time off work and prescribed me some antibiotics… that didn’t seem to do anything whatsoever. As the days went by, I’d gargled everything under the sun and still there was no improvement; only pain and a sickly feeling.

Eventually though, the throat infection did start to recede. My mum gave me this throat spray that numbed the pain and did me the world of good. But then, as one thing went down, another came up – the pains in my side had turned to a lump. “Oh just great. What now?!” I wondered.

Another trip to the doctors’ surgery; it started to feel like a second home. This time it was a lady doctor, and after telling her everything I’d been through, she diagnosed me immediately, as if it couldn’t be more obvious. Glandular Fever. She was rather surprised the other male doctors hadn’t come to that conclusion already. So she gave me a blood test to make sure. It was at this point I’d realised that nurses are better at needles and syringes than dilly dandy doctors. It bloody hurt! I’ll get the proper results on Tuesday. Apart from that, and for the next 6 months, I’ve got to lead a rather dull social life and take it easy. No alcohol, no late nights, no pushing one’s self and above all… no ‘kissing’ anyone. WHAT?! NO KISSING??? Glandular Fever is what’s known as the ‘kissing disease’ because it’s easily passed onto someone else via that means.

Sorry Josh. Life sucks right now.

To add insult to injury, I’ve got to go back to work next week, against doctor’s advice, because the government’s “sick pay” doesn’t cover bills and rent. These days, people just can’t afford to be ill.

On a brighter side, work is aware of my situation, and is going to make it easier for me. I’m going to be constantly tired, but I must push myself just that little bit. I’ll even move to a cheaper place to save money in the long run. I will survive. I will make it so.